Life Is a Series of Choices – How the Quiet ‘Not Now’ Becomes Your Path

Have you ever felt that you should do something, and yet you hold back from doing it? Maybe it’s a phone call you know you ought to make, a job opportunity you think you should pursue, or even a simple daily habit like going for a morning walk. You sense it would be good for you. You tell yourself, “I really should do this.” And then… you don’t. You postpone, you avoid, or you decide, “Not right now.” We all experience these moments of hesitation and inaction. But have you ever wondered why this happens and how these unmade choices quietly shape the course of your life?

Life is a series of choices, both big and small, conscious and unconscious. Every decision you act on creates a path, and every decision you avoid or delay creates a path as well. In fact, not choosing is itself a choice. The sum of all these choices – the ones we make and the ones we don’t – becomes our life story. As the philosopher Albert Camus once wrote:

“Life is the sum of all your choices.” —Albert Camus

If our life truly is the sum of all our choices, then what about the choices we think about making but never do? Those almost-decisions, the could-haves and should-haves, don’t simply disappear. They leave subtle imprints on our hearts and minds. In the long run, the decisions we don’t make can shape us just as much as the ones we do.

The Choices We Make — And the Ones We Don’t

Take a moment to consider how many decisions you navigate in a single day. From the minute you wake up, you’re faced with a stream of choices: Get out of bed now or hit snooze? Reach for a healthy breakfast or grab a sugary snack? Speak up in the meeting or stay quiet? These are everyday choices that seem small. And then there are the larger crossroads moments: Should I change careers? Is it time to end or deepen this relationship? Do I finally take that leap of faith toward my dream?

Each choice, big or small, carries consequences. The obvious consequences come from the actions we take. But there are also consequences from the actions we don’t take. Declining an exciting job offer might keep you comfortable where you are, but it could also mean missing out on a more fulfilling path. Not expressing your feelings to someone might save you from immediate vulnerability, but it could lead to lingering what-ifs or lost opportunities for connection. Even hitting the snooze button instead of taking that morning walk shapes your day — it might make you feel more rested for a moment, but perhaps a bit more sluggish later, and you miss the invigorating boost that exercise could have given.

We tend to focus on the forks in the road we do take, imagining how they’re steering our destiny. But the roads we don’t take have a quiet power too. Every time you decide “not now” or “maybe later,” you are, in effect, choosing to stay on your current path. Sometimes that’s the right choice for you. Yet other times, it might be fear or doubt holding the steering wheel, keeping you in place when your heart yearns to move forward.

When “I Should” Turns Into “I Won’t”

Why do we often know what we should do, or feel an inner nudge toward something, and then decide not to follow through? This inner conflict – wanting to do something (or knowing you “should”) versus actually doing it – can be frustrating and puzzling. If you’ve ever asked yourself, “What’s stopping me?” you’re asking a very important question.

There are many reasons we hesitate or hold ourselves back. Here are some common ones:

• Fear of Failure (and the Unknown): This fear can freeze us. Sometimes it feels safer to do nothing than to risk a disappointing outcome. (Ironically, we might even fear success and the changes it could bring!)
• Perfectionism and Overthinking: You might wait for the “perfect” moment or analyze every angle, trying to eliminate all uncertainty. In the process, you end up doing nothing. The truth is, the perfect time rarely arrives.
• Lack of Clarity or Alignment: It’s hard to take action when the reason behind it isn’t clear or doesn’t truly resonate. If you’re doing something only because you think you should (or others expect it), motivation can be low. When your heart isn’t fully in it, procrastination often follows.
• Staying in Your Comfort Zone: What’s familiar feels safe. Change can be intimidating, so sticking with your routine or current situation is tempting. Your comfort zone might keep you from growing simply because the unknown is scary, even if your current state isn’t ideal.
• Self-Doubt and Overwhelm: That inner voice saying “I’m not good enough” can stop you before you start. And when a task feels huge or you’re not sure how to begin, it’s easy to freeze up. If you don’t feel capable or ready, avoiding the attempt can seem like the safer bet.

Do any of these reasons sound familiar? Most of us face a mix of them at times. The important thing is to notice what’s really holding you back, because you can’t address something if you’re not aware of it.

The Quiet Impact of Inaction

Emotionally and mentally, avoiding action on something important can leave a mark. When you ignore that inner nudge, you might feel relief in the very short term, but often regret and self-doubt creep in later. Repeated inaction can quietly chip away at your self-esteem. If you constantly break promises to yourself, you may start to feel less confident or trustworthy in your own eyes. And each time part of you wants change but another part resists, it creates inner tension that can lead to stress and anxiety.

Spiritually, you might sense a feeling of stagnation or misalignment when you continuously shy away from your soul’s urges. Some say life will keep presenting a lesson until we learn it. In other words, that opportunity or challenge you avoid might show up again and again until you find the courage to face it. On the flip side, when you do follow your heart’s guidance, you often feel a deep sense of alignment and flow, as if you’re honoring your true path.

It’s worth noting that not every “I should” truly needs to be acted on — sometimes choosing not to do something is a wise, conscious choice. The key is why you aren’t doing it. Are you genuinely at peace with letting it go, or are you avoiding it out of fear? If you can answer that honestly, you’ll know whether inaction is empowering or holding you back.

Recognize Your Inner Decision-Maker

We each have patterns in how we make decisions. Some people leap before looking, while others (maybe you!) tend to overthink and hold back. If hesitation is a familiar friend to you, the first step is simply to notice it. Start observing yourself in those critical moments. Next time you catch yourself saying, “I should do this…” and then not doing it, pause for a moment. What thoughts or worries cross your mind? How does your body feel?

You might even keep a small journal for a week to track these moments. Write down the situation, what you told yourself, and what you felt. Patterns will emerge. Maybe you realize that fear of criticism is often what stops you from speaking up, or that you postpone personal goals whenever life gets busy because you feel guilty taking time for yourself. These insights are gold — they reveal the real reasons behind your hesitation.

Throughout this process, remember to practice self-compassion. It’s easy to get frustrated with yourself (“Ugh, there I go procrastinating again!”), but beating yourself up only adds more negativity. Instead, try treating yourself with the kindness you’d offer a good friend. You might say to yourself, “I see that I’m scared, and that’s okay. I’m trying to protect myself. But I also deserve a chance to grow.” By comforting rather than criticizing yourself, you create a supportive inner environment. Change happens much faster when you feel supported from within.

Questions for Self-Reflection

To help you reflect on your own patterns, here are a few questions to consider. You might think about them quietly or jot down your answers in a journal. There’s no right or wrong answer — just be honest with yourself:

• What is one thing I feel I should do but have been avoiding?
• What fears or doubts arise when I think about doing it?
• What excuses do I use to justify not taking action?
• How do I feel when I ignore this inner nudge?
• What is the best that could happen if I did it?
• What might I miss out on if I continue avoiding it?
• What is one small first step I could take toward making it happen?

Choosing With Intention (One Step at a Time)

Becoming aware of your patterns is a wonderful start. The next step is learning to choose with intention going forward, one small step at a time. How can you begin turning those “maybe later” moments into “I’ll try now”? Here are a few ideas:

• Listen to Your Inner Voice: When you feel that little nudge inside, pause and pay attention. Instead of brushing it off as a mere “should,” consider that it might be your intuition guiding you toward something worthwhile.
• Start with a Tiny Step: Big changes can be overwhelming, so begin with the smallest possible action. Commit to just a few minutes or one simple first step toward your goal. Even a tiny step creates momentum and confidence.
• Gently Challenge Your Excuses: When you catch yourself thinking “I don’t have time” or “I’m not ready yet,” pause and question it. Is that really true, or is it fear talking? Remember, things don’t have to be perfect. It’s okay to try and stumble — that’s how we learn and grow.
• Remember Your Why (and Imagine the Reward): Remind yourself why this choice matters to you. What positive outcome are you hoping for? Picture how good you’ll feel after taking action — relieved, proud, free, joyful. Let that vision motivate you when doubts creep in.
• Celebrate Small Wins: Each time you overcome hesitation and take action, no matter how small, acknowledge it. Did you finally make that phone call or go for that walk? Fantastic! Celebrate it. Enjoying these small victories will train your mind to link action with positive feelings, making it easier to take the next step the next time.

You’re Not Alone on the Journey

If you’ve been reflecting on the choices in your life — both those made and those left unmade — remember that you are not alone. Every one of us experiences that inner push-and-pull between wanting to act and wanting to hold back. It’s a deeply human experience, and there’s no shame in it. If you find yourself feeling stuck or facing a hard decision, consider reaching out for support. Talk it through with a trusted friend or mentor. Sometimes an outside perspective can shine new light on what’s holding you back. And as a Spiritual Life Coach, I’m here too — ready to help you navigate those crossroads with clarity and compassion if you feel you need it.

Ultimately, your life is your own, and the power to shape it lies in your hands, one choice at a time. Every moment is an opportunity to choose a new direction. So the next time you catch yourself thinking, “I should do this…”, take a gentle breath and listen. Is fear holding you back, or is your heart guiding you forward? You have the wisdom and courage within you to make the choices that align with the life you truly want. May you choose with awareness, with courage, and with compassion for yourself. And if you ever need a little extra guidance or encouragement, I’m here to support you on your journey.